While I’m sure at times she could have been saying under her breath, “Just wait till I get these boys home…” or something like that, I’m fairly certain she was praying.  See, my mom loves Jesus today and she did back then as well.  She was murmuring prayers, whispering them as she was driving.  I’m at the point where I’m understanding that more.  It’s those prayers when things on the inside of your mind are desperate, feeling helpless.  Maybe it’s for your child that is struggling at school, a financial crunch, a dealine that you fear you’re not going to make, a relationship that is struggling, or a job where you feel like you’re losing your mind.  It’s the kind of prayer where you’re basically saying, “God, if you don’t come through, I’m dead meat.”

One of the things I said in an earlier post was that I wanted to increase the amount of prayers I mumble through the day…trying to be not only consistent, but more deliberately constant.  I never put that together with my mom’s own “prayer mumbling” until today.  I’m hoping to join a long line of mumblers and pass it down, too.

Pray without ceasing. – 1 Thessalonians 5:17

Click here to view the embedded video.

Updated Video

Click here to view the embedded video.

Updated 02.13.10

Click here to view the embedded video.

If you’ve ever done any weight training consistently, one of the things you’ll experience is what I call “the plateau”.  The plateau is the point when a particular muscle group tends to not show or experience new growth.  I’m sure there are official medical terms for this, but I’ve seen it in my own experience.  There is a point where your muscle “remembers” that exercise, call it boredom, and growth is limited.

I think that is a great analogy for our lives.  There comes a point where we do the same routines in ministry, our careers, our families over and over again and we stopped being stretched and our growth is stunted.

Here’s what I’ve been thinking and asking myself:

• What are the areas in my ministry that I need to stretch myself in?  In my career?  In my family?
• What are the routines I need to change up to help stimulate new growth?
• Try to be specific: This is a decision and an action that I need to make in order to break out a particular stagnate pattern.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Circa 2001, my Hannah is 3.5 years old here. This was shot just a few days before Spencer was born. 2 great reminders: 1. time goes by so fast – spend it wisely 2. Jesus really does love me and in my weakness, He is strong. Bonus points on the fact that she is so stinkin cute

My God, my God, why have you abandoned me? Why are you so far away when I groan for help?
Every day I call to you, my God, but you do not answer. Every night you hear my voice, but I find no relief. (NLT)

Now, please don’t misunderstand, there have been a number of positive and good times, this past year, and there are so many things that I look at in my life and know that I am a blessed man.  And when considering the plight of others and what they have been through/going through, my junk seems trivial at times.

If you know me, then you know that I am horrible at hiding what’s going on in the inside.  In fact, that’s probably part of why I’m writing this post…that and it is somewhat therapeutic for me.  Had a friend last night even comment to me “it’s good to see you smile” which is code for “what’s your problem been?”   Life is like that during seasons of our life…that’s true for everyone.  When those times are prolonged for months and years, it weighs on you.  From unrealized dreams to illness and disease, life is tough.

Last January, I wrote down some goals and some dreams….in fact I wrote down 10 specific thoughts under the heading of where I saw us/myself within a year (that would be now).  How many of those dreams were realized? …. 1

So, on to a new year.  I probably will write down some more dreams and goals for the new year.  Some will be the same as last year, some will be new I’m sure.  I don’t have any new answers, insights, resolutions to make or 10 steps to a new and improved me….or you.  I do have some thoughts for any that have had a Psalm 22 year.  Some of these I’ve been processing, some that I’m still trying to “get there”.  These won’t be terribly deep, just real:

1. You’re not alone…there are others that have been and are going through what you are. I think for me, that has been huge.  Partly because I can look at where they are now and realize that they made it through.  That gives me hope.
2. My time vs God’s time. My timing is not His timing.  His timing is not my timing.  This is probably the hardest truth to live and work through.  The Bible is full of stories where God would make a promise, a realization of a dream, and the fulfillment of that promise or dream would take years.  His time is not our time.  It doesn’t mean that God’s not at work, it doesn’t mean that God doesn’t care, it just means….His timing is not my timing..rinse and repeat.
3. In the meantime…. If you’re in the area between “the promise and the payoff” of your dream (to quote Furtick), find a place to serve and do that.  Not a place that is your “job” or in your area of core competency necessarily…just a place where you can help meet a need.
4. Mumble a lot of prayers.  This is a goal, a hope and a need of mine that I’m experiencing and need more of through my day.

Anyway, I really do hope that you have a very happy new year, a great and memorable new year.  Perhaps a Psalm 20 year:

May he grant your heart’s desires and make all your plans succeed.
May we shout for joy when we hear of your victory and raise a victory banner in the name of our God.
May the Lord answer all your prayers. (vv. 5-6, NLT)

• Loving the fall, even more than usual this year.  I was trying to think of why, and I think I’ve nailed down several reasons.  Last year this time I was feeling incredibly overwhelmed because I was trying to get the remaining media, lighting and other pieces together to help launch the West Campus at Cedar Creek.  That and I was also beginning an online start up side business which I had to lay to rest this summer (that’s another post for another time).  It was a crazy time last year.  Plus, it seems that in this area we’re actually having a fall with some cooler temps here and there this year.  The trees have been pretty brilliant, too, in all their colors.
• Kind of along with that, I think this year I’ve actually taken the time more to “breathe” and enjoy the fall and Thanksgiving season.  I’ve had a chance to really think through how blessed I am…and we are.  God forgive me for the times I haven’t told You enough just how grateful I am for everyone and everything in my life.
• Can I be real?  Is it okay here to do that?  This past year has been an incredibly dry time in my life spiritually.  It’s been difficult.  Just been going through a lot on the inside and for a guy that usually wears his emotions on his sleeve, that’s not always a good thing.  I sit here now, not having a whole lot of “answers” about the things I’ve been praying about.  I think that is how life is sometimes, that it is not so cut and dry and we don’t always understand why we go through those times…not on this side of Heaven anyway.  That said, I am hopeful.
• Been working on several web projects over the past several months.  Here are a few that have gone live: Symphony Orchestra Augusta (previously the Augusta Symphony), Gateway Community Church, relaunch of 4Thought Media and the Swank Co.
• Feeling like I really want to become an After Effects guru.  I’ve pretty much run the gamut in Final Cut Pro, but am still kind of a novice in After Effects even though I’ve done a good many projects in it.  Looking to spend some time over the next several months learning more.
• Heading to Macon, GA for Thanksgiving this year.  Haven’t been there in 3 or 4 years so it will be good to see everyone there on my mom’s side of the family.  Looking forward to hanging out with my sister, too.
• My Christmas List: 1. Gift cards to go shopping for some clothes 2. chocolate 3. a new defensive coordinator and linebacker coach for my DAWGS………..and World Peace.
• Speaking of the DAWGS, really sad to hear that UGA VII passed away yesterday.  Wasn’t very old at all and died of a heart attack.  Came across this short video put together with Larry Munson below.  The word is now that they won’t get another UGA until after the season.
• That’s about it for now.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Tom Lowry – Tom was my youth pastor growing up, gave me my first opportunity in ministry by letting me intern under him in student ministry (what was he thinking? ….) and has remained a great friend and encourager to me through the years.  He discipled me and help see me through the “yeah, it’s okay God, I’ve got this on my own” years.  He has always been like a second dad to me.  He had mentioned several weeks ago to me that he would be going through some tests and then this week revealed that the tests would be to test for cancer.  He shared the video below tonight at Curtis Baptist Church in Augusta where he is on staff still (church/place I grew up at).  You can follow Tom on his blog as well as he will be giving updates there:

Tom’s Blog: http://tomsthoughtsonstuff.blogspot.com

Click here to view the embedded video.

Angie Sanders – I first met Bobby and Angie at Lighthouse Baptist Church here in Aiken where I was on staff as the youth pastor.  I suckered them in asked them to become volunteers in our student ministry and later had the privilege to officiate at their wedding.  It has been incredible for me to watch them grow in their faith and how they have become leaders at their church in ministry.  They are a great example of Jesus with skin on: they just love Jesus and love people.  Angie has recently been diagnosed with cancer and has had surgery to remove it and is about to undergo additional chemotherapy.

Angie’s Group on Facebook

• This past Sunday I preached at the Banks Mill campus at CCC.  It had been close to a year since I preached last due mainly to having to focus on multi-site media development.  Was good to speak again.
• Felt pretty raw at times during the message.  As I shared in my message, it has been brewing for a while out of all that’s been going on in my life.  Came out of some things that I’ve been through….and still going through.
• Had a chance to speak at Christian Heritage Church in Graniteville last Wednesday to some students there.  Bobby and Angie Sanders are good friends that go there and invited me to speak.  Love them and their heart for students.
• Whatever happened to lazy summer days?  It has been flat out non stop this summer.
• We’re about 3 to 4 weeks from launching our second multi-site campus at CCC: Cedar Creek – On The Ridge.  The campus is located in Ridge Spring-Monetta.  They have been meeting in small groups for a while, but we’re about wrap up the building for Sunday worship.  I’m going to post some photos of the new campus later on this week probably.
• Am seriously ready for football.  UGA starts off the season playing Oklahoma State in Stillwater, OK.  Let the big DAWG eat!   Can’t wait to be HERE.
• I think Kim is ready for the kids to go back to school.  Spencer got bored today so he just started breaking the heads off of his army men…yeah, he does best with some structure.  Although, we use to blow them up with fireworks so I can’t really talk.
• Saddened seeing so many people that I know seem to be struggling in their marriages.  People that you “never would have thought” would have gotten divorced are exactly there.  Been thinking through ways to strengthen my own because of it.  Wes mentioned this book so I grabbed a couple of copies for Kim and I today on Amazon.
• My A/C in my car doesn’t work except when it wants to.  Not fun when you’re about to hit August.
• All for now.